That was fun.
It was the middle of the day, sun beaming, 30ºC, massive panic attack for about 50 minutes, non stop while I was outside. There was no break. I mean, I’m “severely” agoraphobic and have “severe” social anxiety so if/and while I’m outside at any point of the day, it’s non stop terror for me. Actually, “terror” isn’t even remotely close to describe the shit this disorder(s) brings. But, that wasn’t enough apparently. What else do I need added to my day? Distorted vision why of course!
Sweating profusely, shaking (inside and outside), paranoid, hyper-vigilance isn’t enough apparently, the list of physical symptoms at this point is really so long, that there is no point in typing out the other shit. As a matter a fact, I’m convinced the whoever has these disorders is so hypersensitive to stimuli by nature, that the smallest thing throws them into panic mode. Lights, noises, people talking, can set us off. But it’s not enough I have all that stuff, now I have distorted vision to add to this great list.
In the midst of everything happening I pretty much became blind; Eyes twitching, sore, burning, and then everything started shaking around me. Like a sound wave of sound, expect it was visual. The lights, people, air, sky, buildings, houses all SHOOK wildly. They became distorted in nature. “Welcome to hell” should of been displayed at this point somewhere. This was like fuel for the panic attack that already started the minute I stepped out the door when I left for my excursion. Despite all this bullshit, I magically made it to my destination. Then I had to retreat back home. 50 minutes later to be precise, I entered the door wheezing, hyperventilating, and so exhausted that words will never express the experience.
This happens everyday for the last 10 years. Living in jail is better then this hell.