This news is painful to process.
This news is painful to process.
The Girl You Lost To Cocaine
Today was a very shitty day.
I almost died physically.
I almost inflicted harm.
I was gonna write out a whole story, detail by detail about what happened but then retracted that idea. There is no point.
I’ll end this post with a quote by Hunter S. Thompson:
“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
Premieres on CNN – Sun, June 28 at 9P ET
Whats another 20km…
The weather is warming up, and cooling down. It can’t make up its mind. It’s early in the morning and I’m sitting here drinking a beer for the first time in months and listening to some dark drone. Anyways, it’ll be warm soon and that means sun, lots of sun (hopefully) – something I’ve been lacking for a very long time in abundance. I need my sun. The sun needs me. We need each other. If I could touch the sun I would (that sexy bright solar giant) 😉
I have a few plans with the sun, one which consists of traveling 50km solo. Where I shall go will be desolate, green, full of wildlife and right up my alley. Only problem is, its 50km. I’m used to 38km on a daily basis so I don’t think it’ll be to much to handle. If it’s to easy, I’ll push it even further. I’ll be documenting this ‘get away trip‘ with some gear…perhaps even video (if I don’t have a panic attack) Been having a lot of those lately. *Drone plays* There is more I could say, but fuck it. I shouldn’t dwell on the negative points, but only the positive.
Come to think of it, I haven’t made a post regarding any mental health issues in months. This is the first in quite some time.
I feel like getting loaded. I haven’t been properly loaded in awhile. Make that early 2013. Fuck that’s long. Then again, maybe its good for me, maybe not. I question things more nowadays. What’s the meaning behind this? I’m becoming old. I’m questioning the question now. Mind fuck!
One (me, I myself) must ponder about whether 2013 was a good or bad year – or a mix of both. On one side, the year started off tense and nuts. Going out partying for the fist time in 8 years was a mind fuck. It was a liberation to the soul and mind and the physical being. I took it to other levels, and came out alive. Sometimes I gotta remind myself that I’m not 20 anymore and I need to calm down, but that’s simply who I am. Live fast, and hard. I got myself into messed up situations and survived. My head was in a different ‘space‘ back then and thinking back at it now is quite a nostalgic feeling. Surprisingly enough the lead up to a fresh start in 2013 came at the late end of a 2012 health disaster and other bullshit that wouldn’t end. Yet, 2013 opened up to be a roller coaster of fun and liberation – …at least at first. Shortly after all this fun, it came to a grinding, debilitating mess which came about by unforeseen events. Either way, as insanely messed up and hard this past year was I did make the best of it in terms of educating myself on numerous subjects (to a fairly high degree) and I ain’t stopping in 2014.
Now, it’s officially Jan, 1st, 2014 and there are 365 days to utilize to full potential. Of course, that’s not always possible due to uncontrollable & unseen circumstances that arise and come within a full years length. With that being said though, certain shit needs to be done regardless and I don’t really want to waste any time. 2014 ‘could‘ and ‘should‘ be a new start fresh, surely it can be a slow, baby-step one and as long as it’s a steady baby-step one – then I’m good. I for one do not like making long term future goals, instead, I live day by day, doing shit step-by-step…..(rambles off on tangent..”Step by step ooh baby, Gonna get to you girl, Step by step ooh baby, Really want you in my world“) 😉
Anyways, breaking it all down – 2013 was the year of new organic music exploration & creation, getting out (at least in the beginning), studying film & photography religiously, bringing knowledge to my brain, lifestyle changes, confessions, nostalgic memories, feeling inspired & liberated, changing styles, learning some more, and starting this blog. Was it enough? No it wasn’t, but that’s ’cause I’m hard on myself (So I’m told 24-7). Was it enjoyable? Yep, it had its high points for sure, but it also had its low points. There were some relapses (that lasted very short thankfully), confusion, anger, and what not. Music studio gear broke and is broken currently, and other wild escapades that need not mentioning since I wish to completely forget about them – thank you very much 😉
To finish this off, I’m signing this blog post off with a ‘few’ pieces of music, 4 per each quarter of the year that encompass the full emotional state this year was about……here we go:
d) – – Full Album – because it was the best thing I’ve heard in years.
Which brings us to the FINAL quarter of the year, and that means something to sign us off…
Epic song, to an epic year 😉
A warming in advance to all my precious followers, spam-bots, and whatever/whoever else lives on wordpress:
Tomorrow this blog may get completely over taken by copious amounts of music, fuckerie, rantings, pictures and other miscellaneous bullshit, as I achieve a level of “crunk” that hasn’t been reached since early March of this year. When the inebriated state hits me full force, the shit storm will be evident from several internet miles away. Fear not, I shall recuperate.
Thanks for listening all you beautiful people and some not so beautiful 😀
Can’t sleep, too much shit on my head, going through old school files, pictures, films, emails and projects this and that, its all just too crazy too see it after so much time.
It’s amazing how powerful a little program like iMovie really is. I was afraid some of the experimental shit I did last year in there was deleted since I tried to clean up as much crap on the studio music machine (computer) as I could (still gotta finish). Thankfully, it’s all there, each clip an scene, and I really need to score the little short. I totally forgot about it.
It’s such a nostalgic roller-coaster watching it after almost a FULL year ’cause so much other stuff has happened since. But – “damn” – that was inspiring to watch and be able to witness what the mind is capable of accomplishing when it’s “functioning” on a proper level as opposed to how my mind is working right now under all this fuckerie thats going on.
Funny enough, there is so much shit to do and accomplish, get taken care of, buy, etc right now, yet at the same time there is so much anxiety. Talk about ‘bad’ timing… Something’s gotta happen, it’s almost half way through November and I feel like Richie Aprile……………and we all know how that ended.
ps. Firefox 25 is weird looking and the fonts are all different. Wowowow passing out fuck this shit.
Who the fuck gives a crap about a stupid crack video #1.
And #2, why the fuck does the general public even care about such pedestrian, irrelevant incidents?
You do understand that you live on a goddamn celestial body – known as Earth – which in size, is smaller then a grain of sand in relation to the rest of the universe, if not SMALLER – in a completely irrelevant piece of space born out of pure coincidence?
Yet, you care about a fucking goddamn person that smoked something or drank something for that matter?
Who gives a shit. Ask yourself – use your stupid brain that you’ve been blessed with from birth.
Go out on the street for once, and open your eyes instead of staring down at your dumb fucking smart phones you sheeple. See anyone else indulging in certain behaviors?
Societies empty , bleak and completely obsolete minds have never never been more evident and in the spotlight thanks to Facebook, and Twitter.
This is why I’ve dropped all contacts with you.
No rants. Just truth.
You people are bland, lacking inspiration and fulfillment in life.
See what I did there, I see clearly. I’m the sufferer of your sins.